Good News for Doomsday Believers

Source

As you may remember from one of my previous blog posts, “The Sky Is Falling!”, the earth as we know it will supposedly be coming to an end on May 21.  “But what about their pets?” you say.  Fear not!  I have good news for the Doomsday believers.  According to this article, a group of atheists can “provide a loving home” for your pets for a reasonable fee.  So, if you have a dog, cat, bird, rabbit, small caged mammal, horse, camel, llama or donkey you are in luck. “Eternal Earth-Bound Pets, USA” will bring your pet into their home and care for them for the rest of the pet’s life.  Unfortunately, it appears that iguanas and alpacas are not on the list.  The iguana exclusion is because they haven’t found anyone willing to take one on.  However, I do not understand why alpacas are not on the list, but llamas and camels are.  I mean, don’t they all spit, carry baggage and provide wool (some)?  And if you have a ferret, monkey or wallaby, we’ll just question your sanity anyway. ;-)

As with many articles, the comments were quite funny.  My favorite:

My Ex was a dog.  Will they take him?

May 21 is coming soon, folks!  Better start making arrangements!  Since you won’t need money in heaven, you can donate it to me.  I will even take care of your plants.

Garden Blogger's Bloom Day - May

Past, Present, and Future

Part 1 - The Past

Blue and pink Forget-me-nots aka Myosotis.  I like how the rings at the center can be either yellow or white.

 

Yup, it's variegated Dead Nettle aka Lamium again, this time from underneath.

 

Blue/pink Forget-me-nots.  I don't know how the pink and blue flowers merged, but I like it!  Was that explained during one of those classes in high school?  The kind your parents didn't want to help you with?

It's Myrtle (Vinca) again, too.  I like how the petals are angled, making the flowers look a bit like electric fans.  I also like the white star shape in the center.

Dark blue Forget-me-nots aka Victoria Dark Blue Myosotis.

Part 2 - The Present

Pinks "Brilliant" aka Dianthus deltoides.  I saw only two flowers, but soon these will be in bloom all over my yard!

Variegated pygmy barberry aka Berberis thunbergii "Rose Glow".  I like how the buds are dark pink on the outside and yellow on the inside.

The Sea Pinks aka Thrift "Splendens" aka Armeria maritima have arrived.  I'll take it as a sign that Spring has arrived, kicking and screaming.

Snow-in-summer aka Cerastium "Silver Carpet" aka Cerastium tomentosum "Silberteppich".  These can spread far and wide, but are easy to pull up. 

Still, beware.

Aubrieta "Cascade Purple" aka Aubrieta x cultorum.

Creeping Baby's Breath aka Repens White Gypsophila.  This plant is a pretty good low-growing evergreen groundcover.  This was the only bloom.  

Not for long....

Snowdrop Anemone aka Anemone sylvestris.  These are deceptively fragile-looking.  These ones are underneath a bird feeder, yet come back every year.

Part 3 - The Future

A volunteer fern.  I think it's a Sword Fern.

Another volunteer fern.  I think this might be a Maidenhair Fern, but am really not sure.

Climbing Hydrangea aka Hydrangea anomala petiolaris.  This thing grew like crazy just within the past six months!

A peony from my parent's yard.  That means it's OLD! ;-)

Part 4 - Past, Present, and Future....

....slug food.

Vehicular

The current photo theme at written, inc. is "vehicular", so here is my submission:

You just never know what you will find at a car show!

You Know You're Tired When....

....it takes you hours to realize you've been wearing your underwear inside out.

....you get to work and realize your fly is undone, just as a coworker walks by.

....when you have yet to add a photo to what is probably your favorite photo theme ever at written, inc.

I'll try to get to the photo, I promise.

An Unexpected Adventure

Part 1:  The Adventure Begins

Written during one of the morning flights

Friday night started innocently enough (don’t they all?).  “Hey Willy”, I said to my friend, “Do you know anyone who lives in Podunk?”  “Uh, no.  Why?” said Willy.  “Well, I’m interested in a Cute Sportscar there and was hoping someone local would go look at it for me.”  As so often happens, one thing led to another.  Next thing you know, it’s early Saturday morning, and I’m on a plane.

At first, I was dreading this flight, as I had seen an overabundance of babies boarding the plane.  This must have been my lucky day, as I haven’t heard a peep out of them yet.  Sitting on the tarmac, I couldn’t help but notice the distinct smell of, well, lavatory deposits.  Fortunately, the smell dissipated.  Otherwise, the airline probably wouldn’t have been able to sell any of their overpriced snack boxes.  It’s not like you’re going to feel like eating when you’re about to gag.  Luck was with me again in the form of seats (cushy) and seatmates (small).  However, the young mother sitting next to me started her day off with a vodka drink.  It wasn’t even 6:00 a.m.!  Yuck.  Fortunately, the rest of the flight was uneventful.

Part 2:  The Stealership

Upon our arrival at the stealership, I felt like Willy and I were pieces of not-quite-dead roadkill being watched by starving buzzards.  “It’s like flies attracted to shit”, I told Willy.  “They just can’t help themselves, even though they know it’s wrong.  But they’re really hungry.”  We fended off a couple of flies, and were fortunate to find the car right away. 

It wasn’t as we had hoped.  The poor thing, although low in miles, was long in the tooth.  The previous owner apparently could have cared less about a once-beautiful car.  The body was covered with scratches, many of them deep.  These were not run-of-the-mill, average wear-and-tear scratches.  These were scratches that had no hope of ever being buffed out.  Then we opened the door.  Unbelievably, the interior was worse than the exterior.  The driver’s door panel was horribly scratched and chewed up.  This suggested to me that the previous owner had a dog that rode in their lap – a dog with teeth and long claws.  This was a car that I would not be proud to be seen in.  Back to the airport I went.

Part 3:  The Journey Home

Written on the plane

Expecting to be driving a new car home, my airline ticket was one-way.  Now my task was to find a way home without breaking the bank.  Not having a super-duper internet-accessing type of cell phone, my feet were my next best option.  Airline #1 could get me home for ~$300.00, with one layover.  Airline #2 did not fly to my town, even with a layover.  Airline #3 could do it with one layover, but only had first class available.  Airline #4 flew directly to a city near my town for ~$300.00.  Ding ding!  We have a winner!  I figured it was better to get marginally reamed in airfare than to buy a car that I would not be happy with.  As I write this, I am on the plane, headed home.

Here are some photos I took from the plane.  Views like this make the earth seem almost alien.

 Hope you all had a more relaxing Saturday than I did!

Off On an Adventure!

Hi Everyone!

Just a quick note to let you know I will be offline for three or four days.  I'm going on an unexpected adventure!  It will be a little crazy, and quite out-of-the-ordinary for somewhat predictable me.  I'll fill you in later.  Right now, I have to pack my carry-on bag....

Head vs. Heart, Internet Car Shopping Edition

Source

Head:  Hey, there’s one of those Econoboxes you mentioned earlier.

Heart:  They’re not too bad, but they are not as fun as Cute Sportscar.

Head:  They get good gas mileage….

Heart:  So does Cute Sportscar.

Head:  You could carpool….

Heart:  Not with that back seat.

Head:  The Econobox has better safety features….

Heart:  Yes, it does.

Head:  You could carry a lot of stuff in an Econobox.

Heart:  True.  But if I buy something large, that’s what delivery service is for.

Head:  The Econobox is practically new, and doesn’t have many miles on it.

Heart:  You got me on that one.  Most of the Cute Sportscars I’ve seen so far have had 20-90k on them.  I will be putting a lot of miles on, due to my commute.

Head:  An almost-new Econobox will cost about the same as….

Heart:  ….a six-year-old Cute Sportscar.

Head:  The Econobox has a 1.5 liter engine.

Heart:  My current car has a 1.6, and is wimpy.  Cute Sportscars have 1.8 or 2.0 liters.  Wheeee!

Head:  Handling is very important to you.  Which car would handle better?

Heart:  The Cute Sportscar.  Duh.

Head:  The Econobox has front wheel drive.

Heart:  Cute Sportscars have rear wheel drive and are therefore much better balanced.

Head:  A car says a lot about it’s owner.  What would an Econobox convey?

Heart:  Practicality.

Head:  What would a Cute Sportscar convey?

Heart:  Fun!

Head:  Which car would you be prouder to own?

Heart:  A Cute Sportscar.

Head:  Which car would be easier to pick out in a parking lot?

Heart:  The Cute Sportscar.  Although it is small, it is unique-looking compared to the Econobox.  Econoboxes are a dime a dozen, and don’t stand out in a crowd.

Head:  You will be spending a lot of time in your car.  Which one would make you happier?

Heart:  The Cute Sportscar.

Head:  That’s really the bottom line, isn’t it?  It’s important to get something that will make you happy.  Otherwise, why bother?

Heart:  Cute Sportscar FTW!

Life is short.  Sometimes, you have to follow your heart.